


Shirp and Ella Ruin Everything

by shirpwhy



Series: Shirp Series [3]
Category: Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Other, just eat the hell, people on other websites do and it bothers me, please dont ask questions, please dont take it seriously either
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-04-24 21:36:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4936198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shirpwhy/pseuds/shirpwhy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Asshole also ruins everything</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shirp.

Shirp woke up that morning. His real name was Shiro Kazukaki, but he started going by Shirp, ever since he met someone special... Shirp went downstairs to see a distant relative of his, Shirou Emiya, after an incident that destroyed Shirp's house he came to live here. 

"So, Shirp. What's for breakfast? I'm starving!" Shirp said. I think I should mention that they both go by the name Shirp. Shirp K. ate his breakfast quickly and walked out the door, he had work to go to. Shirp E. (let's just call him Shirp for now) cleaned everything up and stared at the living room. It was empty. For Shirp it was summer. So there was no school. He had nothing planned to do. So he went outside to buy things.

Shirp went to the store.

Shirp came back from the store.

Shirp walked inside the house and put all the things he bought up. When he was placing this big can of soup on the top shelf that he could barely reach, the door bell rang, he was startled and dropped the soup on his head. nerd. He ran to the door and opened it. In the doorway was. was. was a girl in a super duper light purple dress and witch's hat with pink ribbons. She had long light aqua hair in two braids. Shirp was amaze. 

"Okay." was all the moe bishoujo had to say.

"Um...who are you?!" Shirp asked, why was she here?!

"My name is Ella. I'm a witch!" She did a little twirl and pose as she said that. 

Shirp gaspu'd. A witch? That would explain the hat she wears. What was she doing here?! He had to ask that next.

"Ella. What are you doing here?!" Shirp asked.

"I'm here to live with you!" She did another twirl.

Shirp was speechless. He just stood there confused.

"Now out of the way, asshole I need space to walk." She said as she pUSHED SHIRP OVER and walked inside.

Shirp got up and began shouting. 

"H-hEy! You can't just walk on in here!" 

Ella smiled. "But i'm living here now! I can do whatever I want!~" More twirls and poses she made. 

Shirp just sighed and allowed her to stay. As long as Shirp K. didn't mind, it was all going to be okay.

"oooohh what's this?" Ella said pointing to stuff on a table.

"Oh? those? those are a couple of pictures of my dad and I-"

"yeah ok we wont need those" ella said as she PUSHED EVERYTHING OFF AND ONTO THE FLOOR

"ELLA WHYYYY" Shirp cried as he fell to the floor in anguish. Ella why.

Ella just smiled "Becuase it's my house now!~"  
At that point Shirp realized it. This was her house now. She gets to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants.

"Aaaaaalriiiight. I think this will be my room!~" Ella said running down the hallway.

"H-HEY! That's my room!" Shirp screamed.

"Didn't you hear what I said. This is my place now." She said in a serious tone.

"All my stuff is in there! Where do I sleep now?!" Shirp cried

"Ohhhh You have plenty of room here don't you?" Ella smiled 

"Yeah but I need my stuuff" Shirp whined. 

"In that case you can just sleep on the floor. Goodnight, asshole." Ella said as she slammed the door. 

Shirp was confused. It was only 3pm. Oh well. 

 

~uwu~

It was now later in the day and Shirp had made dinner, this was around the time Shirp K. comes home. Shirp turned on the TV to watch the news until Shirp K. comes home so they can eat.  
The news was talking about how a research facility a couple streets away had been destroyed. Shirp gaspu'd the most serious of gaspus. That building. That's were Shirp.K works!

Shirp put on a jacket and shoes and ran all the way there.

When he got there he saw the police investigating it all. He tried to run through to find Shirp K. But no one would let him. Shirp K. . Where was he? That's when someone came over and began talking to Shirp.

~uwu~

"NO" Shirp screamed and he cried. "NO! THERE'S NO WAY" Shirp was screaming and kicking everything. He stopped, sat down, and looked at his feet. "I-I can't believe it. I can't believe that...

 

Shiro "Shirp" Kazukaki is dead...."


	2. Ella

Shirp was in so much shock from the death of Shirp K. That he ran straight home. Ella was laying on the floor, reading a magazine.

"Heyyy~" She said looking up.

Shirp cried and was so mad he ran over and KICKED ELLA SHE SLAMMED AGAINST THE WALL. OW

"I'm sorry Ella I just was so angry that Shirp died." Shirp apologized.

Ella didn't care.

"So ya done cryin?"

"Y-Yeah. I'm. I'm gonna get to bed now." Shirp said as he walked off.

~uwu~ 

Shirp woke up to see Ella cooking breakfast.wow. 

"Hey!~ I made breakfast!~ Come try it!~" Ella sung, back to her usual tone. Shirp walked over and tried it. Shirp died.

"Awwww did you not like it? Well come on. Get up!~ You arent deeeaaadd." and then Shirp stood up.

"THAT WAS TERRIBLE" Shirp screamed and slapped Ella.

"Wow there's no need to be such an asshole."Ella said as she kicked him away and began singing.

~uwu~

It was later in the day now and Ella decided to go drink coffee. She grabbed Shirp's hand and dragged him to the coffee shop.

"E-Ella I don't really like coffee..." Shirp said uncomfort. 

"DRINK THE GODDAMN FRAPPUCCINO DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH I PAID FOR THIS." Ella screamed.

Shirp was scared and drank it all in one sip. Shirp died.

"Now nooow~ There's no need to pretend to diiiee. eeeeveryone is waatchingg~" Ella sang.

Shirp sat up and zoomed out of the cafe and back to home. He didn't want to tell Ella, but that was Shirp K.'s favorite place to go. it was weird to be there.

Ella came home immediately being she can do that from her moe moe sparkle desu magic.

"Ella. Tell me the truth. Why are you here." Shirp asked crying like a nerd.

"I'm here for a very secret reason!~ I'll tell you eventuallyyy!~" She sang as she flew through the ceiling and went away. Shirp cried.

~uwu~  
It was nighttime and Shirp was tired of sleeping on the ground. So he decided to sneak into Ella's room and get his stuff back.  
he opened the door and snuck inside. Oh no. This was bad. Ella was laying on it all. It would be impossible to retrieve it. He began to leave to room when he heard Ella talk.

"Don't go..." She said.

Shirp was scared. Was he caught? He was definitely caught. But then he realized. She was talking in her sleep. Oh well.

~uwu~

"Shirp get up we're taking selfies" Ella said as she beat the shit out of the sleeping Shirp. He woke up and she grabbed him and took a picture.

"Ta-Da!!~ It's perfect isn't it?!" 

"Please don't take pictures of me." Shirp responded, upset.

"Awwww, why don't you calm down, Strawberry Shortcake.

"Please don't call me Strawberry Shortcake." Shirp was upset.

"WELL FINE" Ella ran out of the room. Shirp didn't care.

~uwu~

It was night time and Shirp still couldn't find Ella. He then remembered that she flew through the roof so she must be on the roof. 

She was on the roof.

"Ella?"

"That is my name" She clearly didn't want to talk.

"I'm sorry...about what happened..." Shirp apologized. 

"Okay." Ella said her signature line.

"Ella?"

"Can you hear me Ella?" Shirp called.

"Yeah. You can leave now." Ella said upset

"No! we have to be able to get along! I realized that!" Shirp said.

"Alrighttt. But. in order to make up. Let's take a selfie." Ella did a peace sign when she was done.

They took a picture and printed it out. Ella put it on the wall. 

They were friends now.


	3. Asshole

At one point Ella decided to go to some expensive store and bought a shit ton of stuff to decorate her room with and it was a lot of money im too lazy to make up a number. basically Shirp was in debt. and so they went to starbucks because Ella wanted a Pumpkin Spice Latte. I mean she REALLY wanted one. She bought 50 and made shirp carry all of them he burnt his arm he will not be getting medical attention. so after that they went to different stores and Ella bought everything Shirp was starving but he would not be getting anything. Shirp was now in a lot of debt. 

"holy shit let's go to Disney World." Ella said out of no where. 

"WHY" Shirp screamed, he was so tired of her bullshit but couldn't tell her otherwise he'd probably end up like Shirp K.

"I want to go and have fun and leave you there." Ella said smiling. She was evil.

"We aren't going to Disney World." Shirp said. Ella didn't like that so she kicked Shirp until he fell to the ground in tears. They went to Disney World.

Ok so they finished going to Disney World and Shirp was in even more debt. Ella was sad, Shirp didn't got lost, Shirp was stuck with her.

Ok so they went home and Shirp probably gets to eat and they walked in the door and Shirp SCREAMED.

"Jesus fuck dude why'd you scream" Ella said while writing on her list of ways to kill shirp.

"When did our house become a Hot Topic." Shirp was confusion 

"Ella then looked. Her beautiful home, every room of the house had her pink and purple and lace and sparkly magic that costs a lot of money and it was gone IT WAS GONE.

There was a person sitting on the couch, eating ice cream. On the floor they saw the empty containers of basically every piece of food in their house. 

"Hey! Asshole! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU EAT MY FOOD" Ella shouted and looked angry. She was evil.

The person sitting there had black hair that looked like shit and wore a shitty black outfit with purple bows. He turned around and looked at them.

"I don't think questioning me is in your best interest." the asshole said (his name is Asshole now uwu)

Shirp screamed and fell over Ella was happy. 

"Why are you here anyway?!" Ella shouted but not loud enough to be written in all caps. 

Asshole looked around and decided the place looked like shit so he BURNED IT ALL DOWN TO THE GROUND SHIRP SCREAMED HE WAS SLEEPING ON THE GROUND.

The house didnt exist anymore and Asshole was happy and Shirp passed out Ella stepped on him.

 

ok so Asshole lives with them now and Ella was able to restore the home. but only the kitchen and her room. Shirp lived in a tent.

 

"heeeeyyyy aaaassssshhooollleee" Ella sung. why did she say his name like that why did I write his name like that

Asshole was reading the greatest story ever written, printed on high quality hardcover with the highest quality pages and ink. Asshole was reading My Immortal. 

Ella started playing on her PS Vita playing a weeaboo game and AssholeGRABBED IT AND STEPPED ON IT IT BROKE

"nOOOOOOOOOOOO" Ella screamed "IT WAS A HIGH SCOOOREEE" Ella cried. holy shit.

Ella ran outside and burned down Shirp's tent so he would get out of it.

"we need to kill asshole. he's a huge piece of shit that only knows how to ruin everything." Ella was still crying because she was playing some weeb game and it was gone forever 

Shirp fell over dead. I mean he wasnt dead but who cares about shirp anymore right.

and so that is how Ella agreed that Asshole ruins everything. That was wrong. She was supposed to be the one to ruin everything...

 

There can only be one


	4. Ellasshole

Ella was about to go and find Asshole and kick his gothic ass but first she had to step on Shirp (who died but didn't) four times to have good luck.

Ella stepped on Shirp.

Ella stepped on Shirp.

Ella stepped on Shirp.

Ella stepped on Shirp.

Now Ella was ready to go!

Ella ran throughout the house trying to find Asshole but could not she screamed and open the door holy fuck he was outside doing satanic rituals

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKER" Ella shouted 

Asshole didn't turn around beause he was actually repeating the bee movie introduction in reverse to summon BEE SATAN but it didnt work because bee satan isnt real 

Ella decided now she would kick Asshole like she does Shirp. As she was about to Asshole just ran. he just left. 

Ella ran through the house again to chase Asshole and at about this time Shirp had woken up and SCREAMED HIS HOUSE WAS A MESS he was used to it

Ella didnt have a magic broom or whatever modern witches use she had to walk but some kid was going by so she stole his bike 

Ella zoomed down the street, she had no idea how to ride a bike but luckily she had seen enough yowamushi pedal to understand the basics.

asshole was gone man. just fucking gone. well Ella went back home and saw Shirp crying on the ground. yay.

Ella decided now she would go ruin everything but Shirp grabbed on to her asking her to stop. she just kicke dhim away holy fuck did his arm just come off 

Asshole was back doing his satanic rituals but this time it was to summon SOME SATAN I DON'T KNOW Ella then sSTEpped on the materials Asshole was using to summon satan and fucking kicked asshole in the face it did not hurt nothing could asshole he would ruin eveyrthing

Ella got some pink magic and was about to kill Asshole when she didnt because that was boiring and even if she didnt stop SHIRP came out side WITHOUT AN ARM and jumped in between them that pink stuff hit him he is not dead yet just very sugoi.

"ASSHOLE YOU FUCKSHIT THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO KILL SHIRP" Ella was mad like mad idk what to compare it to im not reicheru

Asshole looked away. Ella then realized. Asshole was meant to ruin everything. She couldn't beat him. no way.

Ella ran inside and flooded the place with glitter idk what kind color was it safe who know someone shoudl call 911 i mean shirp lost his arm send help

Shirp ran inside he was ok with the sparkles being Ella made him sugoi BUT ONLY FOR A WHILE and Ella was in the middle of the room. sinking into the glitter. goodbye ella.

 

Asshole burned the place down AGAIN and KICKED SHIRP INTO THE STREET GET HIT BY A TRUCK, FUCKER

Ella was ok from the fire idk why the sugoi magic protected her. she realized. she was too sugoi to die.

"fuckass mcbitchlord we need to ruin things

 

TOGETHER"

 

and so Asshole and Ella worked together to ruin things. Shirp didn't get hit by a truck. why this.


	5. Shitpost

Shirp had come back from the hospital because no one would treat his arm no one wants to good lord what made you think they'd help you and even ella wouldnt use her kawaii sugoi magic to put it back together he kept his arm for some reason.

"Hey Ella, you're in charge of dinner tonight, right?" Shirp was being an annoying fuck just cook your own food if you're that hungry she probably poisoned your dish anyway

Ella didnt respond because she was busy playing Love Live: School Idol Festival what a fucking weeb 

Shirp cried and as we walked off he tripped and fell over but he didnt get up he just doesnt care anymore. Asshole walked in and stepped on him like three times idk and idk where Asshole went probably just came inside to step on Shirp. 

Ella got a new high score on her weeaboo ass game and began a new game when shirp THREW HIS ARM AT ELLA WHAT A NEEDY BASTARD no one knows what shirp wanted probably attention but who the fuck does that 

oh yeah he interrupted her game 

ELLA THREW SHIRP OUT THE WINDOW WITH HER PHONE AND IT SHATTERED THE GLASS FELL IN HIS EYES HE IS NOT BLIND SADLY 

Ella fell to the ground in tears. Her waifus. Her high score. Gone. All because of Shirp. Asshole just stood there he did not care at all wow who

it was nighttime now apparently and Shirp was locked out he would starve and be cold i dont know what time of year it was but he would be cold so Shrp stayed outside all night

Shirp eventually got tired of being outside and broke the door down to get food but his arm fell off so he took a glue stick and put it back on again then went to get food

Ella woke up the next morning asshole probably does not get up until later because its not a phase it's who he is   
Shirp was in the middle of the room his arm fell off again and all the tables were upside down shirp was crying why was he crying no one cares why tho

"SHIRP GET THE FUCK OFF MY SHOUJO MANGA" Ella shouted that dont know how and im too lazy to say why but she just said it 

Shirp cried

"I AM SO TIRED OF DEALING WITH YOUR SHIT, SHIRP. GET THE FUCK UP."

Shirp cried 

Ella just gave up and left. She just left.

It was later in the day and Ella was still gone. The doorbell rang so Shirp went to answer and it and holy fucking shit it was an Ella recolor original OC do not steal

"you're shirp, right?" The kawaii bishoujo said 

Shirp didnt care and just said who he was he was way too tired for this moe bullshit 

"Ok, so i'm Sharkiesha and Ella gave up so i'm here in her place" Sharkiesha, the kawaii bishoujo, said.

Shirp almost cried he was so happy Ella was finally gone 

Sharkiesha stepped out of the doorway and pUSHED SHIRP OVER THERE GOES HIS ARM 

Shirp really did cry this time. But only because he had realized this Sharkiesha was just like Ella

"Ella is my sister, didja know that?" Sharkiesha smiled and winked and twirled and did magic idk what and Shirp cried 

Ella had a sister. Sharkiesha. She was just as bad. Shirp thought he was free from Ella's suffering but no. He is not. He never will be.

"By the way, Shirp, Asshole kinda left as well so it's just you and me" Sharkiesha said in a way and eventually she walked off, but before that she had important words to say to Shirp

 

 

"my city now"


	6. Sharkiesha

Shirp spent all day cleaning the house because Sharkiesha made him she makes him do whatever basically all Sharkiesha did was sit in her room probably reading the yaoiz XD (dont like dont read) on wattpad. 

ok so shirp cleaned the whole house and fell over. sharkiesha used her desu magic to make him fall over. forever. over and over he would fall

"SHARKIESHA WHYYYYY" Shirp was crying 

"because" Sharkiesha just did whatever she didnt care 

Shirp fell over and into the void there he goes goobye asshole 

Sharkiesha walked to her room but heard noise and turned around holy fuck shirp was back 

she burned the place down. no more shirp. no more.

Shirp somehow survived that.

Sharkiesha then realized. No matter what happened, Shirp would not die. He just wouldn't. That's a huge issue you see Shirp is a threat to all of humanity 

Sharkiesha sat on shirp and used him as a chair while she did her hair even though the entire house has burned down ya might want to fix that first 

ok so she fixed the house 

"ok shirp you stay there i'm going to get donuts" Sharkiesha said as she left Shirp was on a leash tied to a pole he would not be going anywhere 

Sharkiesha left

Sharkiesha got donuts

Sharkiesha came home

"Shirp, jesus fucking christ I leave you alone for ten minutes"

Shirp had turned the whole place upside down and his arm had fallen off get the gluestick 

Shirp was launched into the void once more

Sharkiesha set up a Nintendo WiiU and began playing Splatoon for three hours straight 

well damn without shirp the place is really quiet and empty you cant just get rid of him you have to constantly be beating that moldy shitstain 

Sharkiesha brought Shirp back from the void and tied him to a wall and threw the entire TV plus Nintendo WiiU home console system. ow.

Shirp cried

OK so Sharkiesha left to go somewhere and Shirp decided to leave while she was away and escaped but he couldnt escape because once he got outside apparently ella was there why the fuck is she back 

Shirp screamed the most ungodly screech 

"Ok so turns out both myself and Sharkiesha will be ruining things for you haha" Ella smiled and dragged Shirp inside he will never be free 

Sharkiesha came back and Shirp cried this was terrible they both were here but at least Asshole was gone. 

Shirp went to bed that night and so did Ella but not Sharkiesha.

It was 4am exactly and both Shirp and Ella could hear the german naruto opening playing from the tV they went to the living room and Sharkiesha wasnt even watching naruto just the german opening

Ella stayed up and forced Shirp to stay awake he must never rest he must never dream he must only suffer. 

Ella flipped the channel after the german naruto opening played for two hours and cory in the house was on oh man they love that show cory was their bro 

"You should get Cory. We need him to beat the shit out of Shirp. Everyone needs a turn" Sharkiesha said to Ella 

"ok" so she called Cory he would be here tomorrow.

their plan was to get Cory over and have the entire Shit-Talking Squad team up on Shirp. and Cory had confirmed that he would be coming over

just according to the keikaku

 

(translators note: keikaku means plan)


	7. In The House

"so she called Cory he would be here tomorrow." it was now tomorrow so Cory would be here soon and Shirp was tied to a metal chair somewhere in the house i dont know where ella and sharkiesha stood in front of the door what else do they have to do. asshole was still gone. 

ok so ella and sharkiesha got tired of waiting so they left and played some shit video game idk what probably that poorly translated sword art online game but suddenly the audio cut out and ella cried she was a weeb so that was sad but the audio was gone and really loudly like loud enough to do something to someone the cory in the house theme song was playing throughout the house and shirp died but he didnt all you could hear was cory cory cory in the house 

cory slammed the front door down and stepped inside wearing a shitty mlg shirt (with the usa flag on it somewhere) was probably wearing gucci shades that let words not hurt him but he took them off looked really cool and just said 

"This is my house now"

he looked really cool 

shirpe died but not really (it was from cory's coolness) 

"ok so shirp this is Cory Baxter this is his house now it belongs to him"

Shirp cried it wasnt even his house really but oh well but then cory cut ella off she was the one who said that last sentence 

"My name isn't Cory Baxter anymore," Cory said really cooly.

ella was shocked and i think sharkiesha was gone 

"I have changed my name to Cory In The House." it was really cool when he said that

shirp screamed and fell over and into the void goobye 

 

it was later now and Cory had put an american flag in every single house and there was basically an american flag everywhere it was terrible even obama would hate it 

"ay yo cory when is this no longer your house" Sharkiesha asked while eating something idk what it was but she was im not going to make that joke sry :(

ella stared at sharkiesha. that fool...this was his house now...it would forever be his house....

Cory stood up and recited the national anthem then answered Sharkiesha

"this house. is my house" (really cool)

sharkiesha was shock

"it is my 420th house" Cory cried a very american tear of freedom 

shirp screamed but was then disposed of goodbye shirp. 

 

Cory eventually went to bed and sharkiesha and ella had to too because this is his house now

 

Shirp was outside again and cried a lot so he burnt the house down like an emo fuck and then went to sleep

he woke up happy because the house would be burned down but instead it was ok because cory had turned it into the white house 

Shirp cried so loudly that something from the sky fell and hit him ow 

Cory stepped outside to see shirp because something very unpatriotic was happening. outside. it was asshole that fell and hit shirp. cory thought he was a terrorist so he locked him and shirp outside. and then proceeded to watch the national treasure movies. this really was his house now.

ella and sharkiesha didnt care and shirp cried a lot and asshole probably ruined some things but it didnt matter because they were locked out of the white house by the power of cory's coolness alone. 

 

"asshole how do we get back in please help i need food" shirp doesnt talk like that but thats basically what he said but with tears. asshole looked off into the distance.

"we cant get back in...this is his house now...."

shirp cried


	8. Shirp Is Not Allowed To Sleep Because He Sucks

Ella and Asshole decided to hang out for a bit and it would not be good this is a bit after Cory made their house his and made it The White House ok????????

Ella went outside. Asshole was waiting there in front of his flying car that he shouldn't even have. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt, baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

"Hi Asshole!" Ella said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Ella." he said back. They walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place wherever they were going probably to binge-watch shit anime. On the way they listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. They both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When they got there, they both hopped out of the car. They went to the huge fucking TV and sat somewhere idk where.

"Yume de takaku tonda karada wa  
Donna fuan matotte mo furiharatte iku  
Nemuru chiisana omoi hirogari dashite  
Kizuku yowai watashi kimi ga ireba." the Sword Art Online opening played (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Kirito is so fucking hot." Ella said to Asshole, pointing to him as he did whatever he does. 

Suddenly Asshole looked sad.

"What's wrong?" Ella asked as they sang along to the music. Then she caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" She said.

"Really?" asked Asshole sensitively and he put his arm around Ella all protective.

"Really." She said. "Besides I don't even know Kirito and he's going out with Asuna fucking Yuuki. I fucking hate that little bitch." She said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly face.

The night went on really well, and they had a great time. After the concert, they drank some beer and entered a contest to win merchandise. They won tees. Asshole and Ella crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Asshole didn't go back wherever, instead he drove the car into… I don't know where!

"ASSHOLE!" Ella shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Asshole didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. Ella walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" Ella asked angrily.

"Ella?" he asked.

"What?" She snapped.

Asshole leaned in extra-close and Ella looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly she didn't feel mad anymore.

And then… suddenly just as Asshole kissed Ella passionately. Asshole climbed on top of her and they started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of her top and she took of his clothes. Ella even took of her bra. Then he put his thingie into her you-know-what and they did it for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " Ella screamed. Ella was beginning to get an orgasm. They started to kiss everywhere and her pale body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was….Shirp!

Shirp cried because they actually were in his room and he couldn't sleep it was late Cory and Sharkiesha didn't care and they couldn't hear a thing either they were too busy watching iCarly.

Shirp cried once more as Asshole and Ella continued fucking while making sure Shirp was miserable.

 

Absolutely disgusting.


	9. Shitp and Asshole's Hot Topic Heist

shitrp woke up one day and stepped out of the shitty room he has to stay in being the entire house burns down constantly and saw everyone playing a Nintendo WiiU game i dont know which one but they were playing on the WiiU. 

Asshole was playing mario kart on his Nintendo DS somewhere else but he lost so he threeew the DS at the wall and it shattered then he walked away. why. 

Shirpo walked over to sharkiesha and asked what they were playing but I dont know so why would she know its like in Tomodachi Life when they play the WiiU its just flashing lights but sharkiesha didnt like that so she hit Shirp until he fell into the couch and got stuck there. cory was somewhere but I dont know where doing something and shirp was stuck in the couch and ella was singing some shitty song probably a 4kids anime opening suddenly   
EVERY LINKIN PARK SONG (nightcore) STARTED PLAYING AND ASSHOLE RAN IN BUT HE RAN INTO A WALL 

he isnt ok but he got up and grabbed shitp by the arm but his arm came off so he grabbed him by the other arm and pulled him out the door and slammed said door but shitp's foot got caught in it so he cut shirop's foot off. 

shirp screamed 

"WHERE にゃ ARE にゃ WE にゃ GOING” also crying 

"are you gonna cut that weeaboo shit out or not" asshole said but he was shouting it because the linkin park (nightcore) was so loud

asshole was in the car actually with shirp and he drove them to 

THE MALL

"what are we doing at the maaaallllll" shorp was still crying 

asshole punched shirp so he fell into the trunk but he left him there and got out and into the mall and into the mall and into the into the the into mall 

asshole was going to break into the mall because it was night time and he needed to break in to get in and he was going to rob a store but he had to wait until th e proper time so he looked at his watch

time passed

time passed

time passed

ok finally it was 4:20am. the ideal time to commit a crime. asshole broke into the mall and shirp was still inside the truck dying 

 

Asshole actually went and broke into Hot Topic and stole EVERYTHING and he put it all on but also inside his jacket and it fit the whole store dont ask why it just did ok so he ran and ran and grabbed shitp and put all the weeaboo ass shit on shirp and threw \him in the middle of the row (nice action scene) of the parking lot and asshole rran zooom fast and called the police while he had the whole store and was applying lipstick as black as his soul and ran. he had stolen all from hot pocket and the weeb shit was trapped with shirp. wherever he was.

shitp was arrested and asshole had lots of hot topic goods. whatever he didnt want he gave to some rainbow scene memeguca who runs a hot topic black market.

and so shirp was sent to jail. forever. 

 

or until next chapter when he needs to get beaten up again.


	10. I'm Lazy So This Might As Well Be The End

ok so shitpu was in prison. and not just any prison. it was the kinkshame prison. shirp didnt really need to be kinkshamed all he had done was steal from hot pocket but only asshole ahd done that.

"man this fucking suwucks." shirp cried he had lost his arm and his foot and was in prison for a crime he didnt commit. 

back at the White House asshole was wearing every article of clothing he had stolen from hot topic AT ONCE while sharkiesha, ella, and cory listened to jojo music at a volume so loud shirp could probably hear it. 

ok anyway back at the kinkshame prison shirp was crying and probably bleeding out 

suddenly important looking people started walking around the prison and looking and looked at ship and picked him up and gone. 

shirp is unconscious

shirp is unconscious

shirp is conscious

shirp wakes up in the middle of a pentagram and cries

"SCREAMING" was shirp. the important looking people that were walking around the kinkshame prison and picked ups hirp and gone probably put him here but it was ok shirp was gonna die soon anyway

in a voice almost identical to hitoshi san from nyan neko sugar girls but no because hitoshi san doesnt deserve this shirp cried "what are you going to duwu to me?? owo?"

the important looking people werent actually important they were assholes who probably need to be kinkshamed but the most important by that I mean the worst one

"yeah we're going to sacrifice you to satan, okay?"  
SHIRP YELLED EVEN MORE SCREAMING LY

just then in the most anime fashion ever, Asshole Dark'ness Dementia Ravenway and his crew of anime witches and Guy With a House broke through the wall and posed

"uwaaaaaa! my sugoi tomodachis are here to save watashi! arigatou!!!" shirp uwud but before he could finish he was puwunched a thousand times in the face by Ella.

Asshole edge lord'd his way into the pentagram and CUT OFF SHIRP'S OTHER FOOT and then sat down

"My man, Ass Diggity, will the blood of Shirow be enough to get us into satan's crib?" Cory House'd 

Asshole was sitting down

su̧d̛den̢l͡y ̷ąs͞sh͢ǫle͘ co̸r͜y҉ ̶s̴h̶irp ͏s̕ha̡r͘k҉i͡es̨h̢a̛ and el͢la ͜w͟e͟r҉e̶ in̶s҉t̡an͢tl͢ỳ t͟e͡l̵e̕por̨t̢ed t̷o̡ ͡h͞ell

 

Hell wasnt really filled with flames and sharkiesha looked disappointed because of this but it had something instead of flames and that was chili. it also smelled like discount onion rings and sweat. hell was also very empty and shirp stood up. somehow. 

shirp stood there thinking. but suddenly. out of the corner of his eye he spotted him.

Shia Labeouf.

Shia Labeouf floats over to shirp and gang and immediately forced shirp to eat umekobucha flavored chili. shirp died. 

"Oh man, it's Shia." Cory said and said.

"Shirp are you sure this is the right hell and not chili hell" Sharkiesha sad to shirp somehow not with anger but shia was angeree

 

 

S̶̷̢̩͖̦̭̪̬̖̻̘̿̅ͬ͋ͯ̾̑́ͅH̴̯͕̟͖͇̻͎͎͗ͦ͂ͬ̈̔̈̏̀̃̈́̔̐̏ͪ͡͞I̵̧̗̫̟͚̳̬̞̥̪̻̓̈́͑̆ͪͧ͐́R̢̹͇̠̩͌ͧ̄̈ͨ̍͟͢P̨̦̠̝̘͈͈̞͓̠͇ͮͧ̍̀̈̈́̓͊͗ͭͫͣ̽ͦ̋̈́͜͟͡ͅ

 

Shia yells 

"Shirp was the name of the person who killed my fellow ruler of chili h*ck*" Shia gave his backstory. he cried hot sauce. 

"Heehehehehehe yeaah. That was before Shirp diiiiiieed" Ella sang to shirp and shirp cried because he was not free from this cycle of torment he has not been given the release of death and he never will

"My husbando...Guy Fieri. We are the satans of vore hell-" shia began but before he could finish asshole just stabbed him in the face with his sword that he got from hot topic and shia died

"Bro...not cool." Cory judged

Asshole didnt care he hopped onto the chili throne and became the ruler of hell despite the fact that chili probably has someone in line for the CHILI throne but if they showed up asshole fucked them to death.

"Oh woooow. Asshole Samaaa~~~~" Ella continued being an annoying bitch and sharkiesha left

"Asshole Samaa~~~~ Let me rule chili hell with you~~~~~~~ onegaiiiiiii" Ella begged but she was instantly thrown through the roof of hell and back into the kinkshame prison where she remained for eternity. ella eventually stopped thinking.

"Ass Diggity. That wasn't too cool what you did just there but I respect you. You got this house. I got mine." Cory posed and was warped back to The House

Asshole was now the ruler of Chili Hell and he was going to be for probably forever but we dont really know he might get bored

oh yeah  
shrip

Shirp is trapped in chili to forever suffer from the hands of Lord Asshole of Chili Hell and sometimes he gets to visit Shirp Heaven but only on weekends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end uwu


End file.
